i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
