Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
