Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
