just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
