Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
