I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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