i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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