On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
