yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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