dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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