He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
