Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
