i may or may not be watching the land before time
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
