woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
