Porn is love you can see.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
