if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
