Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
i've created a new STD.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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