and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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