I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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