i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
