what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
