Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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