Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
