Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
