I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
