she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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