They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
