12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
