i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
