My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
