i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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