i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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