my mouth tastes like poor choices
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
