smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
