stop calling my apartment porn island.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
