i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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