hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
