dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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