winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
