Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
His hands were made for my vagina.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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