dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
