Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
