dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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