i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
