No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
