Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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