i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
