there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
