So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
