"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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