I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
