I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
