So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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