I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
